Limbaugh and Living Weapons

Nitra Khan and Boota Bleeda entered the laboratory complex at the University of Hunzania. Professor Nara Wrjinn was waiting for them in the biogenetics wing.
“Greetings, sisters. Everything is ready for you. Please, follow me.” The old She-Hun scientist strode ahead with a vigorous step, despite a slight limp due to a war injury she had picked up as a warrior many years earlier in a battle against the Americans.
Wrjinn led Khan and Bleeda through a maze of laboratories. They passed one of many massive Hunputers, which utilized a liquid metal hard drive. The Hunputers were essential to the design and creation of genetically complex, “living” weapons.
Thousands of beakers filled with nutrient solutions lined the shelves in this room. Connected by electromagnetic fields to the Hunputers, the embryos of living weapons initially developed inside the beakers before being transplanted to larger vessels. Unseen centrifuges whined loudly and dozens of scientists worked hectically all around them.
Wrjinn led Khan and Bleeda into a large testing area that housed multiple test booths. They stepped into an observation room built onto the end of a 1,000-square-foot booth, its walls of high-strength glass. The women sat down and looked onto the floor in front of them, which was covered with soil. Apart from that, the booth was completely empty.
“Ok, roll the cameras. Confirm,” Wrjinn ordered into the Hun-com she wore on her wrist.
“Cameras functional and operating,” confirmed a voice.
“Release the Titanas.”
A door slid upward in the far wall of the test booth and twenty large insects slowly crawled into the booth. Khan estimated their length at about thirty inches.
“Gryllotalpa titana. We call them ‘Titanas,’” Wrjinn informed the two women with pride. “Each one of them carries one thousand ‘procto-dragonfly’ larvae in a pouch inside its stomach.”
“And that is going to be our battle-breaking weapon?” asked Bleeda skeptically. “They’re as slow as they are ugly.”
All twenty insects had entered the test booth and were waiting motionlessly. Their front and rear limbs were shaped like gardening spades and rested, poised, on the ground’s surface. Their heads were grooved like a drill bit to allow dirt dug up with the front limbs to pass over and behind it while tunneling down into the Earth.
“Boota, give our most accomplished scientist some credit!” Khan chastised. She turned to Wrjinn and encouraged, “Professor Wrjinn, never mind her. Please continue with the demonstration.”
“Yes, my queen.” Wrjinn smiled and spoke into her Hun-com, “Zenturia Tara, come!”
A warrior in combat uniform entered the booth. She looked up to the observation platform and saluted before lowering the golden visor of her helmet down over her face.
“Zenturia Tara will now steer the Titanas with eye movements that are detected by the face visor. Each Titana has had a biochip, Series 7, implanted into its brain.”
Bleeda interrupted the professor, “Biochip, Series 7? Isn’t that the chip we tested unsuccessfully on men for behavior control? Do you remember, Nitra? They disobeyed the order to sit while urinating. Then they all went berserk in the lab and we had to shoot them all dead.”
Khan looked questioningly at Wrjinn.
“Although it may sound incredible, the psychology of a Titana is even simpler than that of a man. Believe me, sisters, this will work!”
The Titanas began to dig into the ground with their front two limbs and their heads. Through the viewing glass the three She-Huns heard quiet scratching as the Titanas began to burrow down. A moment later, the giant mole crickets had vanished, leaving small mounds of earth at the tunnel openings.
“These Titanas dig at a rate of one hundred feet per hour, depending on soil composition. They carry Hun-C explosives in several body cavities, which detonate when they encounter man-made concrete. The explosion is directed forward, with the procto-dragonfly larvae being protected inside the Titana’s body. The explosions blow a hole through steel-reinforced concrete up to three feet thick. A small secondary explosion throws the larvae through the hole, spreading them out over an area of at least four hundred square feet. Now watch, sisters.”
Zenturia Tara moved her eyes and the Titanas crawled backwards, out of their holes, where they waited, motionless.
“Fine,” continued Wrjinn. “Now, imagine that the Titanas have reached the exterior walls of an underground city. The explosives inside them detonate automatically. The microchip distinguishes between rocks and other hard materials and man-made concrete. We will now simulate that.”
Zenturia Tara left the test booth and joined the women in the observation room. Then, four warriors wheeled in a prefabricated concrete wall and placed it across the width of the room. It was three feet thick. After that, two She-Huns led the Clear Channel clone of Rush Limbaugh into the booth, threw him down to the ground, and left.
“Ah, poor Rush. Our plump little sacrificial lamb in the name of science and She-Hun domination of men,” laughed Bleeda.
Limbaugh looked around him nervously. He saw the four She-Huns standing in the observation platform above him, waved at the women and walked towards them. Smiling uncertainly, he was very much regretting his outbreak earlier in the day. Limbaugh could not see the giant mole crickets on the other side of the concrete wall behind him.
“Zenturia Tara, go ahead,” commanded Wrjinn. The observers watched as three of the Titanas crawled toward the wall and made contact. Suddenly, their bodies exploded and three holes burst open in the concrete wall, each three feet wide. Limbaugh was knocked to the ground and showered with debris.
Instantly, 3,000 thin, gray larvae landed all around the blubbery mass-
media star. The entire floor of the test booth around him was covered with them. Within seconds, they wriggled free of their wet, protective sacks; their bright red, dragonfly bodies now exposed to the air for the first time.